Grown-ups deserve a sippy cup, too.
Adultsippy turns your favorite bottle of wine into a one-handed, long-straw sipper. Zero spills on the couch, zero searching for a coaster, maximum dignity (debatable).
12,480 adults currently sipping responsibly-ish
The Long Sip
28-inch straw · 750ml
How the sippy works
Three steps. No manual. No grown-ups required.
Snap the lid on
The leak-proof cap fits most standard 750ml bottles. Click. You're set.
Pop the straw out
A 28-inch food-grade straw reaches the bottom sip without a single tilt.
Sip at the couch
Nap, scroll, binge. The wine literally comes to you. Adults, at last.
The line-up
Pick your vibe
The Lavender
For the weekend rosé crowd.
$34
The Coral
Bold. A little sticky. Very you.
$34
The Mint
Fresh off the couch, as it should be.
$34
Frequently asked sippy questions
Real questions. Extremely real answers.
Can I drink it while driving?
Absolutely not. This is a parody, and so is your idea of sipping Pinot at a stoplight. Please keep both hands on the wheel and the wine safely at home.
What if my friend's head is too big for the straw?
The straw is food-grade silicone and very forgiving. If your friend's head still doesn't fit, we recommend a wider friendship circle.
Is it dishwasher safe?
Theoretically. Emotionally? No. Nothing that has seen what you've seen on a Tuesday night should go in the dishwasher.
Will it fit my favorite bottle?
Fits most standard 750 ml bottles. Magnum users, we admire your optimism, but no.
Can I get a refund?
Since pre-orders aren't real, refunds are automatically processed in your imagination. Please allow 0 business days.
Is this a real product?
No. Adultsippy is a parody. No wine bottles were harmed in the making of this website.
Ready to stop pretending?
Pre-order your Adultsippy today. Supplies are fake, but the laughs are real.
Pre-order — $34*This is a parody. No actual sippy cups will be shipped. Please sip responsibly.
One bottle. Three straws. Zero judgments.
Why sip alone when you can split a bottle with your two best friends and argue about whose straw is the longest? Adultsippy brings people together — one awkward slurp at a time.
Great for book clubs, game nights, and Tuesday.
The Triple Threat
3 straws · 1 bottle · boundless regret